Here goes nothing…

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

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Hi…I’m not sure who I’m talking to seeing as part of me cannot really believe I am doing this!  My name is Rachel and I am an early 30 something girl born and bred in London.  I guess it would be fair to say that I have a good life; I have lovely friends, family and a wonderful husband.  I have a job that I work hard at and I know we’re fortunate in so many respects.  However despite all of this I’m a girl who has always suffered from a high level of anxiety and some of the things that would seemingly flitter over other people’s heads appear to knock me over a wee bit harder and stay with me for that bit longer…

Last year I came to the stark realisation that since I was a little girl I have felt on an almost daily basis “butterflies” in my stomach.  I didn’t understand this feeling when I was growing up, I just assumed it was normal and a part of me.  However as I grow older and I gain more understanding I realise that this is not OK and actually, it’s only me that can, well, help me.

I started to research the idea of slow living and I stumbled across some really lovely blogs and Instagram accounts held by people who appear to have the knack of living a serene and calm life down to a tee.   I found it so inspirational but I also felt quite jealous of these people.  But then I thought to myself, if that is so appealing to you then why don’t you really try and work towards that?  Stop envying those around you and just bloody do it!

So this year I decided to make some changes!  Big changes.  Changes that I knew would make me happy but ones that I was (naturally) anxious about making.  I’m not very good at making decisions that put me outside my comfort zone so I’m trying to act a bit more on my first instincts.  Now it’s not like I made snap decisions on the big ticket items but I realised that I really just need to stop analysing and carefully weighing up every single minute decision I make, it’s frigging exhausting!  So the big ticket item I decided to change (which I obviously did carefully consider) was to quit my job.  My job is something that has increased my anxiety levels so significantly that it has had a physical affect on my health and emotional wellbeing.  So I decided that I am not putting up with that anymore and regardless of what anyone might have thought about it I handed my notice in a couple of weeks ago.  Slight rollercoaster of emotions since then but I’m going to go with it and take a chance!

So, no job.   Not a forever situation obviously… but I’ve earned, I’ve saved, I’m going to take a little time off!  But what will I do with all of this time?  I’m going to do all of the things that I always wished I could have done when I was working my backside off.  I’m not going to feel guilty about it and I’m not going to waste my breath worrying about what other people might think about me and my decision (and there is so much breath I have wasted in my life on this!!)

So number two on the “I wish I had the guts to…’ (but never did because I didn’t want to take a chance) is this blog.  I’ve thought in the past about writing something but in the end I backed away automatically condemning the idea because ‘who would want to read that?’  I’m also not a girl who likes to put herself out there.  Well, this may be a flop and it may be boring or self indulgent and I may get horrible comments but at least I’ve tried it, and that is what this year is going to look like.  Taking chances and making changes because you only get one life and you never know what’s around the corner…

 

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